….When You Get Lost in the Crowd
I am a proud introvert. People always assume I’m quiet.. and I am- at first. I get joy out being observant. I don’t like to speak unless I have something to say. Some people just talk for the sake of talking and that can be annoying. But being an introvert allows me to take in my surroundings more. I prefer to wait to move and that way, when I do express myself, it has a purpose and I’m providing value. At least this is what I keep telling myself. There is some truth to it, but it can easily become a hinderance.
Some situations don’t turn out in my favor because I am an introvert. I think a lot of creative introverts can relate that we can be totally fine in front of a huge audience, but an intimate setting can be incredibly intimidating. So when I am in those positions, I often don’t get the results I am aiming for. The truth is, some of my private ways prevent me from many opportunities. And although I am a very confident person, some of my introverted ways are caused by fear, doubt, and anxiety. See, I’m confident because I know who I am, I know what value I provide, and I know my stuff…period. But…my confidence can lack in the unknown response I could possibly get from others. People can say all they want, that they don’t care what people think, but I think to it’s natural to care. “I don’t want to sound stupid to them.” “Will they understand where I’m coming from?” “I know Im smart, but am I smart enough to be in THIS room?” “I’m not about to play myself!” ….and so on.
It’s one thing to be reserved because you choose to feel the room first or take time to decide what your next move should be… But when reservations are caused by the dread of interactions, you may be blocking your next blessing. I have been in plenty of great rooms with people who had the power to change my life. But I am not as far as I could be because I let my social anxiety stop me from making real connections. I end up just another person lost in the crowd. I become forgettable. I watch colleagues have small talk and become unforgettable to someone in power, because they had courage to just start a conversation that led to an opportunity. I see other entrepreneurs collaborate and start amazing journeys speeding to the top. That can become frustrating especially when I know I was at that same event and saw when those entrepreneurs met and made a connection. That could’ve been me! I could’ve been in on that collaboration and accelerated journey with them. Now, I’m definitely not coming from a ‘hater’ standpoint. I am always excited and inspired when I see people around me excel. But I am angry with myself for not stepping up and shooting my shot. This proud introvert is not missing anymore opportunities.
So how? My social anxiety isn’t going away but this is how I am choosing to combat it so I can make connections and meet new people.
1. Clearly Define my Social Anxiety Triggers. Once I know exactly what frightens me or causes my hesitation, I can begin a plan to decrease it.
2. Get a coach or mentor! Accountability works wonders. We tend to stay in the same places or progress at an extremely slow pace when we try to do it on our own. We need someone to talk it out to and who could possibly help us see the things about ourselves, that we aren’t necessarily seeing clearly. They can also help you create an Action Plan.
3. Make a Hard Decision to Step Out of My Comfort Zone. Saying it, is one thing, but you must decide to do it and stick with it. When you complete #1, you will know what things make you uncomfortable and what you don’t mind. You must make a conscious decision to step out, and call yourself out on it if you don’t.
4. Be intentional. Before you go to your next event, make small but clear goals for yourself. “I will introduce myself to 3 people who I do not know.” “I will not just ask for a picture, but I start a conversation with at least 2 speakers or influential people.”
5. Give Yourself Grace and Celebrate the Small Victories. Maybe you didn’t get to all the people on your list. You must celebrate that you made an effort! Some people won’t be nice or interested in what you have to say. And that’s okay! They don’t have to be but that can’t stop you from trying. And if that does happen, celebrate you! You stepped up and out. That doesn’t happen often, so Go You!!
I truly believe what God has for you is for you! But sometimes, we don’t notice that those rooms He allows us to be present in are our answered prayers. We just have take the small steps forward out of comfort and He will do the rest. Hope this helps! Join me in my journey to do better! Stay Growing & Glowing!
-KiMii
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