Facing conflict in itself is a task. We all have to face it sometime. Its one of the things I hate about adulting. I see it in phases. So boom, you’re hit with the problem- and all of the emotions, stress, and bad memories attached to whatever happened. Then there is the problem solving stage- where you try to or figure out ways to solve the problem. Then there is the aftermath. How am I now that this has happened? Did it change me somehow, am I better off? Did I lose something as a result? Did I do something wrong? How fast one moves on from this questions determines if they have gotten over it.
I have been guilty of judging other people, rolling my eyes, and thinking in my head, ‘Just get over it, already!’ I forget that just the night before it was me who was complaining to my sister about something somebody did or didn’t do to me over 10 years ago! Don’t be that ‘Well, if it was me…’ person! Its not you, and if it is you, I’m sure you would appreciate a listening ear. It’s so easy sometimes to look at other people’s lives and give our unwanted opinion of how we could do it better. Getting over it is. not. easy. And that’s ok. Eventually you will, but you have to go through the process. I want to share with you my process of dealing.
1. Be honest about your feelings and acknowledge them! I HATE with a passion saying something ‘hurt my feelings.’ Sometimes it takes me a while to get over stuff, simply because I won’t admit that it hurt me. I get angry at myself for not being over it yet, I feel weak because I’m letting something get the best of me and feel like I’m letting down the ‘strong black woman’ persona I’m supposed to have. In short, it makes me feel like a wimp. If you can’t be honest with yourself, then that’s a huge problem.
2. Take the time you need to process. Everyone is different. Don’t rush the process, but don’t dwell in a pity party too long either. There has to be balance.
3. Get it out somehow. Talk, Write, Scream, Cry. Before you can get over something, you have to take the time to react. Holding it in will cause it to combust at the most inopportune time and in the most confusing and awkward way.
4. Protect Your Peace. The last time I went through a rough time and I felt betrayed by someone, a friend of mine let me vent and get it out. Afterwards, they said to me what I have been holding dear ever since. ‘DON’T LET THIS CHANGE YOU!’ I could’ve taken that situation and let it be a good reason to have a nasty attitude, be stand-offish, stop being generous, and more. But that’s not who I am! If someone is causing toxic situations in your life, let. them. go. If they want to leave, let them! If a decision isn’t sitting right with your spirit, it is ok to change your mind. You have to protect your peace. And be ok, with getting rid of whatever is disturbing that. Be who God has called you to be. Whatever is threatening that is a trick of the enemy.
5. Don’t dwell in the past and the what if’s, acknowledge what is, and LIVE! What’s for you is for you and nobody can take that away. Learn the lessons from the old but if something new is happening in your life, embrace it. Its all apart of the plan. Romans 8:28.
These steps aren’t magic but they can definitely help you in the right direction of ‘Getting Over It.’ It’ll happen my loves! Just trust the process.
-Grow & Glow!
Kim

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